I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize