haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
