What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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