There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I could fuck to npr.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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