You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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