Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
