WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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