Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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