Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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