not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
