I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
