so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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