yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
