I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
