yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
