I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
