You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
