the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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