You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
