He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
