I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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