you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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