Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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