we have officially lost it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
