I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
