hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
