I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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