hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize