The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
