Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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