id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
