dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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