When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
