Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
