i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
