That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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