my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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