we have officially lost it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
