Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
