my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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