Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize