There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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