On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
