Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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