Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
