She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
