I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
