That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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