Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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