I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
