You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
