My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
