Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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