By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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