my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize