I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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