tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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