I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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