Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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