So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
