fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
