Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
