umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
