we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize