For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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