idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How's work?
Spinning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
