I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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