can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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