you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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