but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
