I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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