In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
