My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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