So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
