I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
