You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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