I wish my penis had an off switch
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
