maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
