Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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