Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
