how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
