i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
