Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We need to rekindle our bromance
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
