he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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