K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
