My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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