Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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