he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
