11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
