just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
