Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
