when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize