I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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