I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
