she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
tell me about the fingering
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize