so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
