I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize