plz talk dirty to me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
