they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
As shirtless as possible
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
