If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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