Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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