There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
