Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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