oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
