Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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