i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
